How Direct Daygame totally revolutionised my dating life, AGAIN - by Ryan

I like how this article brings up a lot of points that I've been trying to convey the last couple of weeks on this blog, especially beliefs 3 & 4. Enjoy!

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How Direct Daygame totally revolutionised my dating life, AGAIN - by Ryan

In the autumn of 2007, I was sitting in my room in University when my good friend Andrew came in, smiling and clutching a book, which he offered to me. Only the night before, I'd been telling him about some problems I'd been having with my then girlfriend of 4 years. "You HAVE to check this out" he said. I looked down at the black leatherbound edition and read the words "The Game" embossed in gold on the cover. I devoured the book in about 48 hours and literally couldn't contain my enthusiasm. Was this real? Did "pick up artists" really exist? Having just finished a course on biocultural psychology where I learned all about the interaction between evolution, psychology and society, the theory totally clicked and made perfect sense. I searched around on the internet, and, lo and behold, there was an entire community of pick up artists on forums everywhere - it was real!

Over the next few years, I dedicated myself to the study and implementation of all the information and advice I could get about how to become a "PUA." From pick-up-artist-forum.com, to eBooks, videos, audiobooks, and everything in between, I developed an encyclopaedic knowledge of the subtle differences between the emotional progression model as taught by Lovesystems versus straight Mystery Method versus Adam Lyons (C-R) + Q + SE model, and so on. I credit the study of the pick up arts with giving me the motivation and incentive to go and work out, improve my body language and posture, dress well, think about making great first impressions, become more social, make female friends, learn NLP, and generally go down the path of self-improvement.

However, did any of this actually get me laid? Surprisingly, the answer is NO. Despite knowing a lot about pick up, having a few pretty cool wings, and going out a lot, even the new improved me wasn't faring any better than the old one. After two years of being a self-proclaimed "pick up artist," I had two lays to my name, neither of whom (sorry girls) would rank any more than a 5 on anyone's scale.

Looking back now, I know that my lack of success was not down to something I was missing. In fact, it stemmed from some of the limiting beliefs that indirect methods such as the mystery method unwittingly instil into almost every aspiring pick up artist:

Limiting Belief 1: You have to "create attraction" BEFORE you can telegraph interest, qualify or sexually escalate.

Limiting Belief 2: You have to "raise your value" and/or "lower her value" before she will become attracted to you.

Limiting Belief 3: You have to follow the steps correctly. If you don't get the girl, it's because you've failed at one of the steps.

Limiting Belief 4: A great pick up artist (who knows how to do all the steps correctly) can get ANY girl.

(1) & (2) The basis of the "neg" is the combination of 1&2. The neg acts as a "false disqualifier," making the girl think you're not actually hitting on her, whilst at the same time "lowering her value" by acting as a sly insult. It's the basis of "active disinterest" - engaging her in conversation, but saying that you're not interested because she's not actually that hot.

The problem with the neg: most wannabe pick up artists are likely so socially uncalibrated that they don't know how to deliver a neg with a cheeky smile in a confident manner (i.e. "flirting"), so instead it just sounds like an insult, or even worse, like a nervous guy attempting a compliment but failing!

The problems with pretending you're not hitting on her until you get the sense that she's attracted to you are numerous:

·  You get "in your head" and constantly look for signs of attraction rather than focusing on the interaction at hand and actually LISTENING to what she's saying

·  You wait so long NOT hitting on her that you get worried about when it'll be "ok," making it more and more incongruent and more awkward, eventually getting yourself into the friend zone through lack of escalation.

·  You assume your "attraction building routines" are what's causing the attraction, rather than the possibility that she was ALREADY attracted to you anyway.  In reality, all you had to do was spend 5 minutes showing her that you're a normal guy who likes her, and you'd have had a far higher chance of getting to know her intimately.

·  You assume the hot girl has more "value" than you from the very beginning - but wait a minute, what happened to "I am the prize"? If you're the prize, then surely you can assume higher value, which would negate the need to "neg" altogether.

·  You're starting your entire interaction with this girl based on a LIE. You're not going up to her to ask a "female opinion" on some debate you're having - you're talking to her because she's HOT and you're attracted to her! The first few seconds you start talking to a girl, especially in a club or bar, she knows exactly what you want. Women are not stupid, in fact they are far more attuned to subtle social cues. You can't fool them into thinking you really want to know "who lies more."

(3) The idea of an "emotional progression model" is incredibly attractive to the kind of man that will end up getting involved in the pick up artist community. A guy who is probably quite nervous in a social situation because of its inherent complexity (who might even be verging on autism) will look at a structured, logical, linear progression, and therefore something that could be learned exactly. They may think that following these steps exactly will guaranteed their success, as if pick up were like a video game.

The big PUA companies love teaching models like this because they're simple and easy to explain, and more importantly, when a student isn't getting results, they can say, "oh well, it's because your sticking point is between A3 and C1, so you just need to buy our new product focusing on qualification and comfort, and then do another bootcamp, and you'll learn C1-S3 and be there before you know it!" This puts the blame squarely on the student for screwing up the system, not something inherently flawed in the system, the student, or maybe even the girl herself! This is a great way to sell lots of specialised products for every single facet of interaction (opening, comfort, phone and text, daygame, club game, etc.) but it likely doesn't address the core issues that may be preventing the student from achieving the success he wants.

Fundamentally, what's really counterproductive about this whole way of learning, is it creates the mentality of "if I just learn this material, then I'll say exactly the right thing at the right time to convince this girl to like me and want to sleep with me." The whole thing is upside down! If you're supposed to be the prize, if you're so high value, if you're so alpha and confident, then why on earth are you worrying what the right thing to say is to make some girl like you?

(4) Finally, the big gurus or master pick up artists, with all the commercialised hype, have to sell the idea that their system is 100% foolproof and sell the idea that, if performed correctly they system can turn normal guys into chick magnets capable of bringing home any woman they desire. Of course, we know this MUST be false. Some women, regardless of how "tight" your game is, will simply not be attracted, or be in a committed happy relationship, or something you do may remind them of their ex boyfriend who treated them badly, or a million other reasons. Again, the mindset is that the mPUA can control everything within the interaction and guarantee a 0% chance of rejection. The very idea of a rejectionless pick up attempt is ludicrous. Without rejection, you'd never even begin the learning process that is absolutely necessary to even master the basics of any skill - seduction being no exception.

After learning the Direct method from Sasha Daygame, my results immediately skyrocketed. I went from a guy.... who was struggling to scrape a new (often quite average looking) girl every few months, to setting up 3 or 4 dates with new girls every WEEK, every one of whom was incredibly attractive to me. Nothing else changed, I was still just the same guy, with the same personality, looks, and job. And nothing I did was particularly unique, exceptional or complicated. Fundamentally, it was a simple mindset shift that replaced those limiting beliefs with new empowering ones:

Limiting Belief 1: You have to "create attraction" BEFORE you can telegraph interest, qualify or sexually escalate.

Empowering Belief 1: Confidently displaying your romantic interest and sexual intent to a girl is one of the most attractive things you can do. It's the most honest way to begin an interaction with a woman you're interested in, and even if they reject you, they will respect you so much more for being up-front with them.

Limiting Belief 2: You have to "raise your value" and/or "lower her value" before she will become attracted to you.

Empowering Belief 2: Your "value" is already exactly as high as you believe it to be - it's within you, and has nothing to do with what others think of you. You don't have to bring anyone down to feel better about yourself, and you don't have to impress or prove anything to anyone. Simply act how you want to act, and if people want to join in the fun, then great. If not, so be it. You are good enough, and if the people around you don't see that, it's their loss.

Limiting Belief 3: You have to follow the steps correctly. If you don't get the girl, it's because you've failed at one of the steps.

Empowering Belief 3: There are certain things that will help you, and certain things that will hurt you. But, fundamentally if a girl likes you she'll give you plenty of opportunities, regardless of the "steps" you follow. If she's not into you, no amount of perfect routine-following will make her suddenly become attracted to you. If it doesn't work out, SHE failed to recognise how great you are, and that's HER fault, not yours.

Limiting Belief 4: A great pick up artist (who knows how to do all the steps correctly) can get ANY girl.

Empowering Belief 4: No man on earth is universally attractive to ALL women. No man can talk his way into every woman's heart (or panties!) Some women will simply not be into you. But that's ok, because for every one of those, there's a woman around another corner for whom youare the perfect type!

So, how have my interactions changed?

Before I adopted the direct mindset, I was constantly pushing myself into talking to girls I found attractive even though I was really nervous. If she wasn't interested, I'd take it really personally and start analysing what was wrong with me. Was my body language off? Did I come in too "obviously?" Maybe I just wasn't attractive enough?

If I did get into a good interaction, I'd be so happy that it was going well that I'd just keep things at that level - having a pleasant conversation and not taking things further. To take things further, of course, would risk that terrible REJECTION I was so worried about!

Now, I simply go into every interaction with a woman I find attractive with a direct compliment, making my romantic intentions clear from the start. What I've found is that the rejections are pleasant, and the women often thank me with a smile for brightening their day. As for the girls that are interested, they are already very attracted to my confidence and honesty, and I can proceed with the certainty that I can move things forward and escalate, knowing full well that any "no" along the way is almost certainly a "later" (i.e. token resistance) and not actual rejection.

This has also carried over to my social life and business in general. When I meet people in social situations, rather than worrying if I might be accepted or criticised for my actions (and therefore possibly staying silent or toning myself down) I instead just display my personality. What I've found is that acting more authentically and naturally with people actually makes me far more accepted and leads to almost universally positive reactions towards me. And I know through the experience of working with clients and students that almost any man can adopt the Direct mindset and get the same positive results!

More stuff by Jakob Bachman (see previous post).

More stuff by Jakob Bachman (see previous post).

This blog post sounds like a utopia. I'm gonna try this soon. Trying not to do the usual: baiting girls to invest, set sexual frames, etc. and see if I get the same results.


Stop Unnatural Conversations With Women
I'm going to be blunt. Get rid of all routines and canned stories.

If you need to rehearse a story, a move, a Kino technique, a phone call, a kiss technique, a dance maneuver, or whatever, then you are on the wrong path. You are admitting that you are naturally not good enough and that getting women requires special skills.

A DANGEROUS truth is that some men who do engage in these behavioral gymnastics do go on dates, meet women, get laid etc. This is a dangerous, dangerous truth because it confuses "in spite of" with "because of". I can eat a bad diet and still do ok in sports but that does not mean that THAT diet is the way to go. There IS a better way.

"So what did you do this weekend?"

"What do you think of place X?"

But this is the boring usual stuff all guys talk with women about. Yep, and there's more:

"What places do you like to go to?"

"What do you do for fun?"

If you feel like you have to do anything more than this than you are putting her on a pedestal. And if she expects more from you then she is putting herself above you and disrespecting you. Either way you lose. So wouldn't you rather lose by being yourself rather than by wasting energy trying something else?

When average guys are speaking their "boring usual stuff" they are usually coming from a needy place. A guy, who rehearses the better material, and better stories, is coming from that SAME needy place because he IS depending on those things.

The most effort you should put into meeting women is no more than the prep work you do when going out on the town (such as getting dressed up, grooming, being well rested, getting in a social mood, etc.). That is universal effort and comes with being part of society.

The 50% Rule by Mark Manson (aka Entropy)

The 50% Rule is simple, yet the ramifications for improvement are huge. The rule states this:

At least 50% of your advances towards women should be rejected. If less than 50% are rejected, then you are not being aggressive enough.

Take a moment and think about that. The implications run pretty deep. This means that 50% of your approaches should be rejected, 50% of your attempts to kiss should be rejected, 50% of your phone numbers should flake, 50% of your attempts to get her into bed should be stopped.

Now you probably think I’m crazy. You WANT us to get rejected? Either that, or you’re saying something like, “Oh, way more than 50% of my advances are rejected, and it sucks.”

Here’s why the 50% rule is important: too many guys play it safe, too many guys aren’t aggressive enough. Too many guys wait for the “right” moment and end up passing up plenty of opportunities. If rejection didn’t matter, then you’d take every opportunity, right? That’s what we should be striving for. Let me provide just a few examples where the 50% Rule can come into play and seriously help a guy out.

• A guy who always waits for the “perfect” moment to kiss a girl. He passes up tons of opportunities, but he never gets rejected either.
• A guy who passes up approaching tons of attractive women because they have an iPod on, they’re in an elevator, they’re walking the other way, or they’re with other guys. He waits for women who he knows are easy to approach instead and avoids the rejection.
• The guy who only calls phone numbers of girls he knows really liked him, not bothering with the women who seemed to give him their number out of politeness.
• Not trying to bring a woman home because he doesn’t want to seem rude. Instead he waits for next time, when often there isn’t a next time (and often there isn’t because he didn’t take her to the bedroom!)

But going a level deeper, the 50% Rule doesn’t just condition a guy to become more aggressive, it’s a tool that guarantees constant improvement, because it applies to any guy, no matter what his experience level. Some guys get decent with women, and get to the point where they rarely approach but rarely get rejected, they rarely get turned down on kisses or sex, but they rarely try. This rule applies to me just as much as it applies to the next guy. If I’m able to pick up every woman I approach, then I’m doing something WRONG, not right. I’m not being aggressive enough. I’m playing it too safe, and I’m leaving a lot of opportunity on the table.

Qualification explained by Sinn

One of the major problems I notice in students weekend after weekend, is the inability to qualify in a manner that is convincing to women.

So in order to hopefully rectify this I have written this post.

First a definition of qualification for those who are unaware of such things and the reasons that we need to qualify.

In the attraction phase, we, the PUA, Demonstrate value and attributes of an attractive man and the woman rewards us with indicators of interest. Qualification is its mirror opposite, where we will entice her to demonstrate value so that we can reward her with indicators of interest.

The reason behind this is as follows. Women become attracted to men ALL the time. Re-read that sentence 100 times. A woman doesn’t have the time necessary to get to know every guy she is attracted to. So when you have good attraction game, you will be able to get a woman’s REAL phone number in a short amount of time. However when you call her the next day, this is the difference in thinking between men and women.

PUA: She gave me her number it’s on.
Woman: Yeah he was attractive but why would I see him again? Why is he calling me he doesn’t even know anything about me, he must just want sex. I don’t feel like having sex. I’m not going to call him back.

Or Buyer’s Remorse as it has been called many times.

However if you can convince a woman that you like her for reasons other than her looks and sexuality, she will be motivated to see you again. Ideally you will develop actual standards and find things that you actually like in the particular girl.

So the old way that we did this was through the use of the Bait-Hook-Reel-Release model.

Now a quick word. If you have a proper conversational ratio, meaning that she is speaking about 40% of the time by now, she should be giving you things about herself that you can qualify her for. You can also qualify arbitrarily by telling the entire group that they are cool or fun.

When she has not given you reasons to qualify her and you can tell she is attracted, you will want to bait her to tell you cool things about herself. You can do this through the use of questions or statements.

In the beginning you want to make the hoops small and innocuous. When I took my initial program many years ago, Mystery just taught us to ask “ what you have going for you more than your looks.” That is what I call a large hoop. And even if a woman is attracted she may refuse to answer that question as out of the blue it is too big of a compliance request. I noticed that as I was in field girl would answer it most of the time, but sometimes it would not go over. At the time I was reading a lot of sales lit and I learned about the concept of a yes-ladder. Basic idea is that the more someone says yes the more likely they are to say yes in the future. I applied this to qualification by starting with smaller qualification hoops leading to medium sized hoops and ending with the large hoop “ What do you have going for you besides your looks.”

Small hoops are any question that presents a stereotype that a woman wants to be seen as. She should be able to answer yes to this question with little or no thinking. Some examples are “ Are you adventurous, Are you smart, are you a good friend?”

Medium hoops require a little more thinking and are actually where you will find out if your qualification is taking or not. Some examples are “what nationality are you? What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s here that a woman can if uninterested stop the qualification by not answering or giving a slow answer such as ”I’m a mutt.”

Side note, a woman will not answer a qualification question for one of two reasons. One she is not attracted. These answers will be short and succinct. Like “I don’t know”. The other reason is that she sees you as an authority and doesn’t want to say something to make herself seem less cool. If she is making an effort to answer the question, you need to reward her.

Large hoops are blatantly qualifying questions where she will realize she is qualifying herself but do it anyway because she has already invested earlier.

So the old model required us to bait with a question and would sometimes sound like a job interview as you pummeled the girl with questions. So the first mistake to correct is only asking questions. Any question can be turned into a statement fairly easily. For example let’s say I want to find out what nationality a girl is. I could ask, “What nationality are you?” Or I can say, “ You look very German.” And wait for her to either agree or disagree. You get the exact same information, at which point you need to give her an indicator of interest or compliment if you want to be normal.

Qualification will be the first point in the interaction where you can start to hit on the girl. So as soon as she answers the question, we reward her with a compliment. For example “ OMG you’re German! I love German girls, my ex-fiancé was German and we went over there and traced her whole family tree. It’s such a cool culture.

The compliment should be non-generic and non-physical. The more in-depth and specific you can be, the more qualified she will feel.

In the old model, the next step was to release by throwing a small IOD like “ can’t even talk to you anymore.” Then return to normal conversation. This is where guys get into trouble most of the time and the main reason why I felt the need to write this post. You DON'T need to release every time. In fact if you follow this cycle dogmatically the girl will even notice it. You may even have girls respond to I can’t talk to you by saying ok.

The key to releasing is to do it ONLY when a woman feels uncomfortable with you hitting on her. If she is accepting your compliments and likes them then there is NO reason to release it and it will seem fake. So the release in my model has been changed to a tease and it still remains at the end of the cycle but this time there is a piece before the release. And that piece is asking a rapport question.

One of the main reasons that guys have problems being able to qualify girls is that they go in with the intention of trying to qualify a girl. Instead of actually trying to find out what is cool about the girl. So when you BHRR without exploring the topic of conversation, it comes across as fake. If you were really that interested in her nationality you would probably ask a question like “ Have you ever been to Germany” etc…

The more actual interest you can show here the better.

Now onto to releases. The best way to release is to throw in a non-sequitor tease. Something along the lines of  “Too bad you're such a dork!” The point of a release is to pop the bubble of tension that has been created by hitting on her. This makes her more comfortable as you have released the tension created by hitting on her. But remember you don’t have to do it every time. Only when she appears uncomfortable with you hitting on her. Generally with a bigger IOI. Another way of releasing tension on smaller hoops (Which get smaller IOIs BTW) is to structure a challenge to her quality.

PUA: Are you adventurous?
Girl: Yeah Totally
PUA: Awesome I love adventurous people. There’s just so much more fun. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done? Don’t say running with scissors.
Girl: One time I went skydiving

The last thing I want to talk about is the idea of continuous qualification. Meaning that comfort and qualification and later on relationship and qualification are going to cycle. You will need to keep giving her reasons that you like her FOREVER. So when you are stuck for things to say on a date or 10 year into your marriage tell the girl why you like her.

- SINN (June 24, 2009)

The Long Hard Road? by Richard La Ruina (Gambler)

If you read online marketing about getting women, it’s all about “in just 2 minutes”, the “5 secret steps”, the “simple proven method”…after a while we don’t believe any of it. This stops a lot of guys learning pick up. There are three things that marketers often promise with everything from pheromones to the latest PUA product:
-It works
-It works for everyone (yes even you)
-It works fast and it’s easy.

Here’s the truth on these promises when it comes to good Pickup training:
-Yes it works
-It works to an extent for everyone
-It can be fast-ish and easy-ish but that isn’t always the case.
-THERE WILL BE SOME TOUGH TIMES!

Let me break down the truth behind the marketing…

Pick Up definitely works, there is a mountain of undeniable evidence of guys that have transformed their lives. The big question is how quickly and easily it works. I’ll be able to give you an idea of that, first let me ask you a few questions:
-Have you slept with and had relationships with some women already?
-Are you comfortable in some social situations?
-Do you have natural qualities of either humour, cockiness, story-telling skills, interesting life experience, acting, dancing.
-Do you have female friends?
-Are you successful and confident in a particular area – eg work or sport?
-Are you in decent shape and do you dress pretty well?
-Are you good at picking up new skills quickly?
-Are you intelligent?

You can take the above and assign a few points for each “Yes” answer and then add them together to see how much you can likely achieve in a given period of time. Guys that have a few of the above going for them will be at an advantage. It’s not the same for everyone, these guys WILL be better than guys that say “no” to the above. A guy that is confident at work, has interesting stuff to talk about, has some natural conversational quality and has some experience with women could get this area totally handled in a few hours. A guy that has never kissed a girl, is unemployed, and has nothing interesting going on might take months to even get a number (assuming he doesn’t do some intense training like the Residential Course).

I was a guy who started game at 25. At that point i’d had a girlfriend and slept with one other girl, those were also the only girls i’d kissed. I had no female friends, and no real male friends. I was bad in all social or group situations, comfortable talking with my mum but not naturally funny or good at telling stories. I was good at learning things quickly and was intelligent. I was confident on the stock market but this didn’t translate to dealing with people in that realm since I did it all from home by myself with just the computer for company. My starting point was lower than 90% of the students I see.

And now the final point, the thing the marketers never mention – It can be very fucking tough!

When you are gaming, you are putting your soul on the line. You are sticking your neck out. You are rolling the dice. It’s not like signing up to that distance learning course, this is something you have to do, more like tennis lessons. Except we don’t really care if we are good at tennis, we can live with always being shit at tennis, at being “the kind of person that will always SUCK at tennis”, we can’t live with always being shit with women, we’d rather be dead. We need that hope that we will someday be good. That hope is something that we can cling to.

When we start taking action we are giving away our hope and exchanging it for either:
-Success with women
-The memory of the attempt at being successful which failed.

In the second case, the hope has now gone, leaving us with nothing to live for. Depressing for sure, but this powerful force is what stops us taking the action that we think we should, we don’t want to give
our hope away and potentially exchange it for something far worse. It’s what held me back for so long. Understand this and you can take control. But let’s get on to what you can expect on any big journey…

There will be horrible times. You will be harshly rejected, and it will hurt. You will get a number and be so happy and then be dejected when she ignores your text. You will think a girl really likes you and then she will just stop answering your calls. You will get dumped, in some shit way like by email or facebook, and it’ll probably make you cry. If you learn this stuff over a few months you will have
to experience a whole 5-10 years of bad stuff in that condensed time.

Here’s the good news:

It’s no longer left to chance, each error can be corrected next time, you are playing a computer game with “infinite lives”. You WILL know what you did wrong. Each time you fuck up and fail you’ll be further along, you’ll never go back to zero. You can at least approach, you can at least get numbers, you can at least get into relationships in the first place, you at least know you can get another date. The lows stop feeling so bad and the highs get better and better. Just like the average self-made millionnaire who went bankrupt 5 times, you need to learn and fail and suffer MORE than the average guy in order to be stronger and better than the average guy. It’ll make you into the man you want to be instead of a pussy, no one does this and gets to the end and stays a pussy. It’ll root out all of the shit things about yourself and force you to become a better man.

So here I am…I feel like I got to where I want to be. I don’t make massive mistakes, I’ve made them all already. I make small ones, and those are correctable. I can meet a beautiful girl, I can fall for
her and she’ll fall for me, i’ll want her and she’ll want me, we’ll be happy together. If it doesn’t work out, there are other girls out there, amazing girls aren’t amazingly common but i’ll find one and it
won’t take too long. I can’t be crushed for too long, I can’t be lonely for too long, and i’ll never feel helpless – I can help myself. I don’t want to be a robot with no emotions, but my game protects me
from feeling the real lows because I always know that i’m never going back to the situation I was in.

In sum, yeah it’s scary, yeah it will be tough, but it’s a road that you’ve got to take if you want to be happy.