It's just a game brah
I remember when I started out in the community. "It's just a game", they told me, "don't take it personally bro, just practice your skillset. You'll learn how to get further and further with each new level (girl) you play."
This obviously had a good impact, now I could stop taking things personally and if I just kept practising I'd eventually get results. Whenever things went bad it was because I didn't have the acquired "skillset" or level of "game" yet. Whenever things went good it was because I had been practicing and things are working out.
This is all well and good, but there will always be a certain set of girls that will reject you. And what happens when I'm doing everything "correct" and I still get rejected? wtf? Yes, it happens. No matter how tight your "game" is you'll still get rejected.
People think if they can control the situation by saying the perfect lines and spitting awesome "game", then that will eleviate their fear. Rejection WILL happen, you can't minimize it. This is out of your control.
And what do we do when we get rejected by attractive women? We take it personally. We've all done this. We get rejected and we think to ourselves:
"Ooh... she didn't like me.", "I didn't say the right thing", "My line wasn't funny enough", "What am I doing wrong?", "Why can't I figure this out?", "What could I have done better to get a better reaction out of her?", etc.
Now think back when you were talking to a girl you didn't find attractive and she was being cold, distant and unresponsive (e.g. you got rejected), we think to ourselves:
"She's not a very nice person.", "If she wasn't so ugly, she probably wouldn't be so mean all the time.", "Why is she such a bitch?", "She must have been having a bad day or something.", etc.
In times when we care about a situation, we get nervous and put value on the situation. We take things personally and we interpret things through that insecure lens.
Now I put quotations on "game" earlier because I believe that game is a myth. Yes, you can learn lines/routines/etc, to become better with social interactions and woman, but only to a certain extend. Once you get to a certain level, which is, when you can be yourself without holding yourself back from fear of looking bad, then it stops being a game and you can be yourself.
The routines and lines are just for beginners to show you that, yes, it's possible to actually talk to other people and attractive woman.
Being yourself is the best and worst piece of advice anyone can ever give you. When you start out you're thinking: "Well, I am being myself and it's not working.", wrong. You're not being yourself, you're being what you think will get you girls and approval, because you've seen a certain type of behavior in, for example, movies. You're being a needy polite nice guy, trying to manipulate woman to like you. This is not being yourself, hence why it wouldn't work.
You're doing this because you think this will get you results, and you convince yourself that you're just "being yourself". Is being yourself really paying for other people, giving (insincere) compliments, thinking before you speak because you think it might not get you the result you want? I highly doubt it.
Now it's also the best piece of advice, because once you strip away all the layers of bullshit/fears and stop holding yourself back and just be who you are, that's when you're truly being yourself. Like you are around your friends, when you stop worrying and thinking about "what to say next" and just live in the moment. When you can be like this around attractive woman that's when it stops being a "game", and that's when you start being yourself.
I'm getting way off topic here, but I needed to illustrate that before I could explain the next part;
If social interactions and "gaming" woman is not a "game", then what is it and why is it bad to think like this?
Because it keeps you dependant on results and the feedback you get from attractive woman that you're "gaming". Good feedback means you've got good game and you have the acquired skillset, and negative feedback means you're not at the skill level that you want to be and you should keep practicing.
We always say: "Be outcome independent bro!", but how can you if you're playing "the game"?
If you're not playing the game and you're approaching woman then what are you doing...? You're finding out the truth. You're seeing if you two are compatible, if you are her type, if she's someone that you're actually attracted to (physically and mentally), to see if the situation is right (She might be in a relationship/married, maybe it's a bad time in her life (e.g. she swore off all men because she just got hurt really bad by one), or any other number of reasons why she could reject you.
The only thing you want to find out is: "What is this girl's deal?", and the only way to find that out is by saying something.
It's not you. It's not your awesome "game". It's not even your personality. It's just the situation and the truth.
Good feedback does not mean good game, bad feedback does not mean bad game, you're taking yourself out of the equation.
Fuck game, fuck rejection. You're awesome as you are. So just be yourself, go find out the truth and have fun.
This is the mindset you must have to be outcome independent and not take things personally.
This is all great and all, but how the hell will this help me get women?!
Look. If you are just being yourself, then women will like you for you. No amount of "PUA"-routines will change that. If someone appears more successful using PUA methods it is because those methods got them out of their "shell", so to speak. It is like a placebo effect, or like drinking lots of alcohol, where it gets you to take risks and do things you normally wouldn't (such as approach a lot). But at least with alcohol no one says that it's the alcohol that makes you more attractive to women, it's what the alcohol got you to do that made you more attractive. PUA methods at best create a variety of delivery paths for your personality, which can bring out your personality more. But it's like training wheels, basically, and that's assuming it doesn't fuck you up in the process, which it usually does.
DHV doesn't work either. And neither does qualifying, negging, push/pull, cocky & funny, and NLP. At most these things can enhance attraction and/or interest a bit but they are completely ineffectual with women who have zero interest in getting to know you. And if a woman doesn't want to get to know you it is practically impossible to change that since it is something entirely within her own control and not yours, something PUAs don't like to hear.
Game, by definition, is a myth. Learning how to do tricks and techniques to change woman's perception and feelings towards you is impossible. Girls either like you, or don't. Period. No matter what awesome game you spit.
I've noticed that whenever I thought I was doing amazing game to win over a girl, they actually already liked me from the beginning. I thought: "Fuck yeah, my game is awesome, first she was really quiet, and then I did the cube and this and that, and now she's really investing, she likes me now" Truth is, she already liked me. But whenever people meet new people they always are a bit stand offish at first. or shy. This has nothing to do with how good my "game" was.
It doesn't matter HOW you approach, from what angle, or HOW you set up the date, or HOW you escalate on her once she's in your house. What's important is that you just do it. If she likes you it is your job as a man to escalate the interaction to whatever you want and hope that she wants it too and either accepts or denies your advances. No amount of game is going to change her "yes" or "no" response. If she wants it, she'll accept your escalation/advances no matter HOW you do it. You just do it, smooth or not.
When average guys are speaking their "boring usual stuff" they are usually coming from a needy place. A guy, who rehearses the better material, and better stories, is coming from that SAME needy place because he IS depending on those things.
The most effort you should put into meeting women is no more than the prep work you do when going out on the town (such as getting dressed up, grooming, being well rested, getting in a social mood, etc.). That is universal effort and comes with being part of society.
So stop trying to spit amazing game and just fucking go out and find girls that you think are awesome and reciprocate that feeling.
Credit: Nick Sparks, Rob Judge and Jakob Bachman for inspiring me to think like this, and realizing that it's a much more sane way of thinking about this crazy little thing called pick-up.
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