I just wanted to share with you the road I went through, the sticking points I THOUGHT I had and how I overcame them.
I first learned about the community when I was 18 years old. A girl I thought was my girlfriend had sex with another guy, she admitted to it. I was disappointed and my young mind couldn't realize the fact that WE WEREN'T IN AN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. She didn't cheat, she wasn't in the wrong. Anyway, I got really mad, called her a slut and that was that. Now looking back I was so ignorant haha. Poor girl...
After this I was so frustrated with my unsuccessful sex life that I went online to search for tips on how to get better with woman, and thus found the community.
First book I read was "The Game", by Neil Strauss. I thought I had it, all my problems would be solved! I couldn't stop reading it.... my first mistake.
1. I know all this material, if I can only get over this approach anxiety THEN I'll get results!
I've been reading for a year now... I read everything I could get my hands on... David DeAngelo, Mystery, etc. But I never actually approached anyone and tried it out in-field... I thought that if I ever happen to get into a conversation that I would know what to say and when to say it and girls would throw themselves at me... I bought into the PUA myth. Anyway, after a while (and by being literally pushed by a natural friend) I opened my first girl @ November 29, 2009. That whole night I didn't have AA, only to get it again the next night. Then I realized that I had to overcome it EVERY night. Some nights I did, some nights I didn't. But it didn't matter, because I had reached my second sticking point.
2. I can finally approach, but damnit, sets aren't hooking, if I can just get sets to hook THEN I'll get results!
Most of us come in the community as social retards. Admit it. And whenever I approached people I was nervous as fuck, and I wasn't smiling... basically I was just being really weird. Add this to the weird shit I was saying on opening ("Who lies more men or woman?" WHO GIVES A FUCK!) and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster. I eventually overcame it by smiling while approaching... I was still saying weird shit, but it came out better after some practice and I became congruent with it... cool, sets are hooking now, they are friendly while I approach. However, after the opener I run out of shit to say... so that was my 3rd sticking point.
3. I got sets hooking but now I run out of stuff to say... if I just build up a huge enough routine stack and know enough fluff talk THEN I'll get results!
So... instead of going out in-field, I hit the books.... read EVERY single thing I could find again for like 6 months, and had I think could be close to a 12 hour routine stack. Every day I would rehearse them, from the cube, to the trust test, to "You must be best friends, you make the same facial expressions!". I even practiced the cube on my friends first before I would throw myself into the sharks. I was afraid to mess it up and say the wrong thing with a complete stranger. Thinking back now makes me realize how far I've come since then. It's the making mistakes in-field what makes you grow and become better in the end. ;)
Anyway, it wasn't long before my next sticking point showed it's ugly face... I got a 12 hour routine stack, but I have no experience with it. After I went in-field and tried it out I realized that....
4. I don't know WHEN to use WHAT... if I just fix my inner game I'll know what to do NATURALLY and THEN I'll get results!
I didn't know the reason routines worked, I was throwing negs out there, using the cube, DHV story after DHV story, more negs, it didn't make sense. I was at a loss.... this was when I found a new revelation to game, the so called "inner game".
And I figured; if I just fix my inner game I'll know what to do NATURALLY and THEN I'll get results! So... I started reading again, did meditations daily, visualization techniques, affirmations, etc. I did all that shit, none of it worked. It's all bullshit, providing a quick fix. Your outer game is EVERYTHING, that's how people perceive you. If you feel crap, but you're still opening/escalating, you'll see results (Feeling crappy is a weird thing in and of itself, I never feel like going out, but when I'm there I feel awesome). Well, actually inner game is pretty important, because if you feel like depressed and shit you'll make other people feel like shit just from being in that negative state. But inner game is not the end all miracle to make all your fears and anxiety's go away. I'm saying this because you could feel AMAZING, be in state, be confident and all that shit, but if you still have no idea on what the fuck to do you're nowhere.
I took a break from game at this point, it was getting too weird... all the routines and shit, who am I? I was more confused than ever. And still no results.
5. The break, FUCK results!
What did help me at this point however was that I figured that people can actually like me for me, and not how big my routine stack is, so I dropped it. All of it, and just became normal. I started working on getting my body language in check (Being laid back, walking up straight, etc), getting my eye contact in check (holding it longer than before, and always trying to be the last one to break it), working on my conversation and social skills (fluff talk and talking about WHY people do what they do, basically becoming curious about people and focusing on living in the moment and not in my head thinking about what routine to use next).
I had a new motto and still live by it to this day; "If you think it, say it and if you desire it, go for it." Speaks for itself really. See hot woman, see how your mind tries to come up with bullshit excuses: "She's too hot", "She won't like you", "You'll run out of shit to say", etc, and then going for it anyway and seeing how wrong your mind is at judging the situation. Also when in conversation if I think it, I must say it. My mind always tries to talk me out of it: "It's not good enough", "Think of something better", etc. However this puts me straight back in my head and not in the moment. Not good.
Anyway, at this time I was basically normal, I could have normal conversations with people about bullshit, crack a few jokes and people liked me for me, I could even get numbers pretty easily at this point. Awesome. Little did I know that numbers mean shit. This got me to my next sticking point.
6. I can fluff talk about bullshit, and I'm not afraid to: tease/role-play/be Cocky&Funny/etc), but for some reason my conversations lack depth... if I can just build a deep connection I'll get woman thinking I'm their soul-mate and THEN I'll get results!
Well, you can see why having a deep connection could be helpful, and it was... for making friends. I asked people WHY they did certain things, cold reads, got in deeper, and was making awesome.... friends. I figured something was missing. Woman never saw me in THAT way. So I went back online and searched on PUA forums on how to stay clear of the LJBF-zone (Let's just be friends zone).
7. If I can just turn stuff sexual THEN I'll get results!
At this point I met samenightseduction.com, and instead of going indirect over the shoulder shit I went direct.... hardcore haha, saying to woman I wanted to fuck them, being overtly sexual with touch, telling woman their naughty etc. At some point I even said to a girl on the opener: "Hey, wanna fuck?", and she went crazy, threatening to have her posse beat me up and shit... was pretty funny. I still think she didn't want to be seen as a slut, but the fact that she invested so much energy in cussing me out showed that she cared. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Hate is just another form of love.
Anyway after a while, and a little more practice/calibration I started to notice HOW and WHEN to set sexual frames, build tension, show sexual intention, etc. (Not yet a pro at it though, not even close).
Anyway, I realized I was blowing sets a lot by being way too available and sexually forward that it came across as being needy. So, my next sticking point came a long.
8. I can turn stuff sexual and show intent, now women know I like them and they accept it (Going direct on opener, Sexual tension, Setting sexual frames, etc) but I'm way too available and pushing forward, if I can just step back (break rapport) and bait them to invest in the conversation and qualify, then they'll be chasing ME and THEN I'll get results!
So... this is basically where I am now, 3 years later (1 year reading, 1 year getting my social life together and defeating some mad inner demons/negative beliefs and 4 months of actively gaming/seducing). And looking back I think to myself that I've wasted a lot of time on Mystery Method, being indirect and being super social (while I'm actually not even extroverted).... but I actually didn't waste anything. Sure if you look at it from a "getting laid" point of view. But before I found the community and started practicing I've never laughed out loud with a complete stranger unless it was a nervous laugh. Like really being free and social, making up jokes, getting people to laugh. I don't go out my way to approach EVERY group of people in the venue anymore except for hot girls (cause I wanna get laid of course), but if I DO happen to strike a conversation with someone, or get introduced to someone by a mutual friend I know now that I can have a good time with that person (assuming he/she is a cool person).
On to my game/sticking point atm; I'm in a predicament, because as of lately I've been reading 60 Years of Challenge (it's amazing!) and I've basically been trying to fit that into my current game, and I think I've got it figured out... the problem is 60 says don't break rapport, fair enough, I'll try not to... even though I've got this massive history and ingrained cocky&funny attitude going for me now that it's gonna be hard. (C&F breaks rapport). Going sexual actually breaks rapport too, so it's kinda confusing.
In most of the methods you have to:
1. Convince her to like you (but not in a sexual manner)
2. Now you have to convince her to have sex with you.
The shortcut is to show that you can provide her sex/pleasure, don't worry so much about selling yourself all too much. Pleasure sells itself. WOMAN LOVE TO FUCK. (Sex is a mood based thing, if you both like each other and sex isn't happening, she has to get in the mood first.)
My current game is (And what I'm going to be practicing for the next couple of months):
1. Going direct
2. showing nonverbal sexual intent (imagining fucking them), basically escalating the vibe (eye contact, close proximity, some touching)
3. Going for the IOM (It's on moment = Mutual hand caressing)
4. Arousing her sexually and building sexual tension (non-verbally by caressing her body, and verbally by saying shit I want to do to her, but putting a barrier up so it's socially acceptable, ie "Too bad we're in a bar or I'd throw you on that bar-stool, bend you over and take care of business, BUT we're in a bar, so we can't do that.", NOT: "I WANT TO FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU RIGHT NOW", big difference).
5. Leading her out of the club; "(Let)Skow!".
Of course a pickup is never this smooth, there's resistance a long the way and of course this is where game and practice comes in to play. If you say: "Hey, let's get out of here", and she says: "Nah... I wanna stay." NOW you better install some sexual frames and get her more comfortable with the idea of sex.
Setting sexual frames and my overall game is a mixture of these:
1. 60 Years of Challenge (He keeps stuff simple and basic, but it works.)
2. Captain Jack/Sinn/Adonis (Specializes in same night lays, sexual frames etc)
3. Richard Gambler (Kino escalation while being DISCREET)
4. AFC Adam Lyons (Social proof)
5. Kezia Noble (Conversation skills and deep rapport -> more for daygame, but good if you want to get less flakes)
6. Andy Yosha, SashaPUA, etc from: daygame.com
Of course lots of advice clashes, if you take it from different instructors, so I took what worked for me and suits my personality. But being direct, honest, humble, sexual and playful is my general guideline.
p.s. After all this, the excuse of: "I don't know what to say" and "I'm gonna run out of things to say" still enter my mind... it's weird how the mind works.
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